Screw the Process

I have some confessions to make. I have been worrying a lot. Things have changed recently and I do not deal well with change, especially without a plan. Fighting to maintain status quo all my childhood has made changes scary for me, even if they are good changes. I know that worrying is not trusting God and so I fight and try to rationalize with myself
:

"You are being ridiculous".
"Just trust God with this, he's got everything under control".
"It's going to be alright".
"Give it to God".
"Look on the bright side...things could be worse".
"God knows the desires of your heart. He'll take care of you. He wants good things for you".

All this is well and good. All of these are very "Christian" responses to trial. But for me they are not real. And they do not help. I know good Christians are supposed to suck it up and just suffer through trials. But I feel that this is not good enough. I want so much to be able to reside in the peaceful place that having faith in God brings. But I do not know exactly how to entrust myself. How do I take something metaphysical, emotional, and physical and "give" it to God. There are no formulas for this. There is not an answer book. There is not a secret chapter on the process of trusting God. 

It hit me this morning that maybe I should ask for God's help. I keep trying and trying and my inner being just fails. My sin overcomes me. I feel hopeless and dejected and alone. But the Bible says that "love covers over a multitude of sins" (1 Pet. 4:8, NIV) and God is the epitome of love and grace. So God can definitely help me here. I saw something today in my Facebook feed. It made some wayward pieces in my mind slide into place.

"Regardless of what good deeds you could do, or act of contrition, or sacrifice, God can't love you any more than He does right now."

  I do not think it matters that I have to keep saying over and over again, "I trust you God. I will trust you this time". I think God knows I am not a great truster and he's willing to help me and he will be there each time I turn to him. I believe that. I have faith in that. Bad things are going to happen. Life probably will not go the way I want it to. My happily ever after might not be the one I dreamed, but God is here. Always. I can trust that and I can trust that he will help me stand with joy and peace when I am confused and alone. It is not about what happens, but where I stand. Do I stand on my worry or do I choose to accept God's love and peace. I do not really know how to do that, but God knows.

He can handle it.