Eat BREAD!

Spring has arrived. The sun seems to be shining brighter. Now that it is officially spring, I am definitely ready for it to be here. The only problem is that by mid-April it will start to feel like Summer. I am not looking forward to that. For now Spring and its beacon of new growth are welcomed by me. I feel very thankful to be alive. I am happy. Tired, but happy.
The newness of life in the Springtime serves as an effective reminder that light comes after a long night, growth comes after struggle and hard work, and life blooms out of ashes! Sometimes I am much too morose. I can be negative. It is easier to expect things to happen realistically--to look at the world and say, "I can predict how this will happen based on what I see". That is safe. It does not matter if my predictions are pessimistic...at least then I will not be disappointed. But I am learning to dream and believe and trust for my future. My tomorrows do not look so bleak anymore. I have to laugh at myself when I look back in my journal. I overeact internally with fear, worry, and panic when things get difficult. My poor journal has to deal with an emotional pogo-stick!


When I was a teenager I underlined Matthew 6:25 in my Bible: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?" (NIV). Worry is the fulcrum for much of my emotional chaos. This is not a new problem for me. I have known about it for a long time. It is discouraging to see that I am still struggling. I recently read a great article titled, "Achieving Emotional Sobriety". It talks about how we often get wrapped up in our emotions. A woman is quoted as saying, “Every word he says makes me react and everything I say seems to make him react. We’re two over-reactive people sinking deeper and deeper into conflict” (para. 7). I think this is an astute realization to make. Reacting to a situation solely based on emotions is not a balanced way to live.

I went back and read over the closing passage of Matthew 6:

25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life ? 28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Today, after lunch, Mark and I sprinkled bread ends across a portion of the backyard for the birds. Following this we sat by the back door to see if they would eat it. I had to hush him numerous times for fear that he would scare away the birds. After about 5 minutes of one bird coming close, then flitting away over and over again, the bird finally skittered away. Mark shouted, "No bird! Come back! Eat BREAD!" This made me laugh at the time and in light of the above passage his behavior is also sobering. "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them"....

I wonder if God looks at me and shakes his head as he shouts..."Come back! Eat what I have given you! I have what you need for sustenance!" Do I have the faith to believe that? Verses 31 and 32 are poignant. "Your heavenly Father knows that you need them". So often I feel that I have to give God the directions to my home, and provide a shopping list of the things I need, checking each one off as I go. But, he already knows what I need. Wow. I am having a moment right now. Feeling both ashamed and relieved at the same time.

The next 6 months are going to be crazy, I am sure. But, I am happy about them and happy to be birthed stronger and more in love with God on the other end. Happy to have my winter and happy to have my spring.