Fünfundzwanzig Tage, Twenty-five days....

Today marks 25 days until I board that plane. It still does not seem like reality that it will happen. Perhaps I will go to the airport and he will have arrived, ready to drive down to Virginia Beach for another year of school! Such a threat. Someone asked me the other day if I was excited about my big move. I paused a bit because "excited" did not seem most appropriate. "Well, yes...." I said. He rephrased: Was I excited about getting married. "Oh yes! I am really really excited about that. We have waited a long time!" Concerning the move, I could only aptly and honestly reply, "I am excited about the move, yes...it will be quite the adventure. But I am trying to be realistic about it, because I know it will not be super easy." Indeed. It will not. I plan to be open and honest about my experiences from here. I want this to be a realistic picture of my adventures. So bear with me....

Yesterday I was overcome with the need to practice and learn German. It seems a daunting task and one that I could never have enough time to overcome. I discovered many free and plentiful resources published through Deutsch Welle, Germany's international broadcasting network. They are very dedicated to integration and their materials are super helpful. In particular, I spent the better part of the evening using Deutsch Interaktiv, an online interactive German course, with lessons, exercises and tests. Although English is said to be one of the most difficult languages to master, given its many exceptions, I would say that the fact that it has only one "the" and non-gendered nouns makes me think it cannot be so hard! I think my head will explode. Der, die, das, ein, eine, ein, er, sie, es....

I want to try to internalize as much as I can before I leave. Not so that I can communicate, because I have little hope of that upon arrival. Rather, I wish to be able to understand more fully the gist of the conversations around me. Frankly, around my in-laws and siblings I feel very much like a child. It's not any special way they treat me, it is just that I am in the middle of things, but not truly involved in them--at least when German is spoken. I pity little children that do not have the ability to understand conversation and what is going on around them. I will say that it is true that even if you are ignorant of what is being spoken, you can often understand who is being spoken about and whether it is in praise or jest or reprimand. It always made me laugh whenever I would report something to Court or Josh about Mark's behavior and he would smile mischeviously and act all innocent. One of us would always say, "you know we are talkign about you, huh?" Non-verbals go a long way, but I want to improve my knowledge of sentence structure and vocabulary. Thus I will not have a "deer-in-headlights" look about me all the time! Hah!

To be honest, my mind works in such a way, that I must know the visuals of the language. I have to write it down and see how it is spelled. Immersion is one thing--and boy do I know I will be immersed! Yet, if I cannot know why one says what they do and how that saying is put together chaos will ensue in my mind and I will be amply frustrated. It hurts my pride that I will be like a child. Here I am very purposeful in speaking my mind clearly and distinctly and well. I enjoy using vocabulary to make myself better understood. Yet there I will overnight become nearly completely dependent upon Frieder and his family--my German worse than most Kindergarteners...preschoolers. Not to say it will be so bad. Many, many people speak English in Germany, including all of his immediate family and the majority of his extended family, and contrary to many beliefs, the people there are incredibly helpful, kind and courteous. Yet, at some point him and his family will turn off English to me and I will be forced to learn. That is a bit petrifying for me, because I hate failure, but I know that I have failed even before I begin! Such a humbling experience it will be. I do think it is one that I need to embrace. I have asked God to teach me to trust him this year. This situation reflects another of his opportunities to practice just that.

In this interim, this is just one thing that has been on my mind recently. Twenty-five--fünfundzwanzig--days until I depart! All of this is futile when I know I will be reunited with my love, my best friend. How I miss him!

For now, I have things to do on this Saturday morning so I must say Auf Wiedersehen!

Bis später! Until later!
Deanna